*By attempts, I mean attempts. Like, have you ever had such good ideas in your head but then the actual execution makes you go like “gfdi.”
**I’m also very bad at editing so the lighting & whatnot in a lot of these will probably seem off and I’m sorry. I see it, too. I am also crying inside.
Anyways, I had a few ideas. None of them went according to plan. But, alas, what does one do when no one else understands my artistic genius? (/insert dramatic music & spotlight/) I am totally kidding, but they were pretty nice ideas, in my opinion. I am just an unfortunate soul.
I chose from my own experiences (things might get personal) and tried (I really did) to convey them in an aesthetic way. . . . _(:3TL)_
Okay, a little background story behind some of the photo ideas: here’s an interview thing I did for my old church: POUR. . . You don’t have to read it if you are not religious or whatnot. (pls don’t judge me for my face/ya LOL.) Don’t worry, I’ll go into them more with each set of photos.
tl;dr my parents had started fighting (verbal to physical); stress from family, friends, & school; developed depression that had gotten to the point of suicidal tendencies/thoughts.
First, was inspired by when I legitimately tried to commit suicide for the first time (mainly in the POUR interview). The idea was that the subject had jumped from a tall building to their death. These don’t do the event justice (we were at my friend’s house and their roof was unclimbable).
Yes. You may be thinking, “I don’t get it.” Well, my dear friend, same. I probably should have been laying down to make the “falling from a tall building” more plausible. <<In my defense, there were many ants though.>>
Creating this scene was actually kind of hard mainly because the tree kept digging into the gap between my neck & spine, so I could actually feel my entire body (neck-down) going numb. On top of that, another difficulty was keeping her dog away from photobombing the photos (I have many photos where her dog is just in the background like dog, please. Psh, the audacity of some people.. or animals?). Also, we weren’t able to find, nor have access to a tall building to create an aerial view.
(*side note: I accidentally closed this tab and screamed because I thought I forgot to save. //flashbacks to photoshop/paint tool sai crashing before u get to save//)
These were closer shots. (idk I liked them ;___; if u don’t, i will fite u. just kidding.) But, you can see from the first photo in this set to the last one, the subject’s eyes slowly closing, as if slowly accepting the eternal sleep she had brought upon to herself.
For the next scene, it was for when I was still going through suicidal tendencies. Usually looking to a “less dramatic way”: pills and meds and attempting to overdose.
(I’m sincerely sorry that you have to see so many photos of me.) I was inspired to try and recreate a scene from South Korean alternative hip hop group, Epik High’s 2011 hit music video, “One.” The idea behind this one was that the subject had overdosed on medication leading to their demise.
There were many times when I would take hella pills in attempt to “end it all,” but no matter how much I would take, I would always wake up or I would always end up fine. Call it a miracle or unlucky, but I’m still kicking today. (Which, I’m digressing, but oh well. To which, I’m glad because I got to meet so many good people. s/o to brian & sandy.)
The struggle with this one was pretty much the background objects since we weren’t allowed to move the furniture and it was in the corner/against the wall. But, I would like to think that they came out decently well.
For the final scene, I was inspired by my childhood memories of my parents fighting. (That sounds mildly optimistic.) The idea behind this was that my parents’ fights would get physical more often than not, but despite that, there were still times of affection, despite being brief. Hence, the second photo being the male subject holding the female subject.
The next set of photos would be the aftermath. In my mind, the back story would be that the male significant other had gotten drunk (my dad would come home drunk many times. I recall my mum, sisters, and I in the living room while my dad would bang on the garage door (the one to get inside the house, not the actual garage door, if that makes sense). He would give up after maybe 20 minutes and leave for the rest of the night- this would occur between 2-4 AM. Late hours for 3rd grade me.) and ended the female significant other (luckily, this didn’t actually happen in real life; my parents are both alive and well).
well, i didn’t know where to put this so i’ll leave this here ;__; (i look like im in some awkward adult shoot)
Overall, I think that I overthought this project too much. I had wanted to create a series of photos from my childhood that had left big impressions on my life and who I am now. Although the execution wasn’t what I had in mind, I had a lot of fun creating these photos and brainstorming ideas. And although my descriptions probably weren’t the best,
it made sense in my head I tried ;__;
i r8 8/8, m8.
special shout out to this anteater (zot, zot), sandy, for doing my make up, opening up her house for us, taking our photos, and buying us boba ~ ❤